My Toilet has a Unilever

Dear Unilever Company:

Please find enclosed my grocery receipt dated 4/3/05, with your product, I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter Light, circled. Please refund my $2.79 as I can certainly believe it’s not butter. In fact, after ingesting your product I believe it’s not even food, rather some concoction whipped up in a lab by some sadistic devil worshipping lunatic. Please fire this person immediately.

I am sorry I was unable to return the product in it’s original packaging as the Nuclear Regulatory Commission has removed the product from my house and sealed in under 300 tons of concrete in the Yucca Mountains with the rest of the nation’s nuclear waste.

In addition, please also compensate me $1.99 for the SOS Pads also circled, as I used the entire box to scrub my tastebuds off my tounge. In addition I would like the $1.29 for the Clorox, also circled, as I used this as mouthwash after consuming your product.

Lastly, I wasn’t sure where to send this, so I checked out your website. I see you think that Dirt is Good. I’m sure anyone who has tasted I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter Light would agree that dirt tastes much better.

Thank you,

Pooke