I haven't written anything in quite some time. I apologize. I just got out of the hospital after Pooke accidentally shot me
during a hunting excursion that we embarked on at the Morristown Green. I appreciate all of the letters of support from friends, family, and concerned citizens. I do want to stress that this was an accident, and not some deep, greater conspiracy. I read some of the conspiracy theories on some rival blog sites, and I want to put some rumors to rest.
First, the reason that Pooke did not immediately call The President and alert him that she shot me was, well she had to get me to a hospital and inform my other family members what happened. Oh yeah, also, she doesn't have the President's direct phone number. However, phone records will show that she did try to call the White House
68 times on the morning of February 14th. Either she was going to report the incident to GW or she wanted to ensure that he received her Valentine's Day card and she was hoping hers was the funniest one he received this year.
Second, the rumor is true that doctors could not remove all of the bird shot from my body. A piece is still lodged in my right testicle
, but doctors felt that it wasn't worth removing the metal fragment, or the testicle. They tell me that the testicle will still function normally. The only side effect is that we may have to name a future child "Iron Man." This is OK with me, as I am a big fan of Black Sabbath. It is a good thing that the testicle can still function, because as most of you who know me may remember, I had to remove my left one when a night of heavy drinking in 1982 led to a piercing gone wrong incident!
Lastly, the reason that Pooke did not face the media herself, but instead had her press secretary (Bob Jr.) give status reports was that she was herself suffering from a bout with avian Bird Flu
. However, Pooke has completely recovered and is back on the road to health. Who knew that tar and nicotine had antibodies within them that counter-acted the HN-51 outbreak? Coincidentally, CNN is reporting that George W Bush is completely responsible for Avian Bird Flu and have received documents from new consultant Dan Rather proving that HN-51 was developed at the President's ranch in Texas. Several mothers of deceased victims of the deadly disease have gathered in protest outside of the ranch. Joan Baez
(yes, she's still alive) is going to be giving a benefit concert and will be handing out veggie and soy corn dogs outside of the ranch also. Oliver Stone will be filming the event, as he is on a dare from Tom Cruise to make a movie worse than Alexander!
I would like to thank the wonderful surgical staff and beautiful and talented Michelle Malkin
for appearing on Fox News and really explaining how the idiotic media blew this all out of proportion. It dumbfounds me that people actually tried to find a deeper conspiracy in an accident that occurred in an enjoyable trip while hunting homeless people.
So, again, I am back and in good health. Thank you.