Are we keeping track?

Dear God: I skipped work today but only to go to school, I plopped my eldest daughter in a 21 ft Budget truck and sent her to Camden but to move out and randomly brought my 11 year old to a Ted Nugent concert (I am sure there is a redeeming quality there). What's my score today?

Oh I wish I had an Anthony Weiner

Not a bad package for a douchebag. Laughing like he'll at the indignation! Congressman, pornographer what's the difference?

A week in the life... Not over yet!

It's been a funny couple of days... My 11 year old girl scouts have not been charged with anything yet and hopefully Chris Christie is not receiving any calls from them (as tempting as it is I haven't made any either... Safe so far)

Remember the dreams you used to have when it was the first day of school and you couldn't find your class or you actually sat in the wrong one for an hour and a half before you realized that you were three weeks early for the class that you were actually registered for? I never knew that happened in wakeup world!

Only thing that could top the juvenille deliquency and surrealism of living everyones fear would be to set the kitchen on fire. Wait.. That's how we started the week!

Pictures and elaboration to follow. In the meantime stay safe and enjoy life.

My Girl Scout Troop

Oh Lord not again! Three of them figured it was ok to get into the school through an open window to let the other nine in and the one who happens to be the governors Goddaughter shared his private cell # with four others. Good news is that it may come in handy...

Holy Crap Mackenzie! I can't believe it. Great Job!

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End of the World

So, Saturday is the end of the World according to the people carrying the signs all around every major city in the US. I wonder where they will go on Sunday when the world does not end. Will they retreat into picking another day to try to instill fear into people? Will they be angry that the world didn't end? Will they go back to recruiting people for Obama's 2012 run? Nope, they will go to the local strip club and get paid to put that clubs Happy Hour specials on those same signs and hit the streets again. It further proves that the world has already ended long ago!

Fuck em all

I don't see any of YOU out there mowing the lawn. Far as I'm concerned it's the best $20 spent all week! You people are spoiled!

Anonymity and it's merits

I love having this place to come back to... Where I can admit that I broke into the same church I'm scheduled to speak at on Sunday without judgement! Because you understand there's of course, more to the story than meets the soundbite!

Haha I love it

Cut my hair- three times in three days and a good four inches. Noone has said anything yet.... Keep going or stop?

Mobile App

For real? A mobile blogging app? I am back baby!

OK.....

Is there anybody out there?

The King of Pop is dead.

My mornings will never be the same. Snap, Crackle, Snap, Crackle, Snap Crackle - why do I suddenly feel like I need to call my mother?

Relocating

Don't ask me how or why, I've been invited to blog at nj.com. These people are nuts for inviting me to blog with journalists, considering I'm a friggin idiot. But here I go. Links promised... but I'm not promising anything interesting or entertaining. They'll post anything there.

Behind the Lines

A distraction.

R.I.P. Godfather of Soul....

These people really do exist!!!

This is great! A conspiracy theorist (who "specializes," in 9/11 conspiracies) who has a blog explaining why we all have the incorrect notion of Conspiracy Theorists! However, my interpretation of what I read was "Yes, we are INSANE Conspiracy Theorists who don't want to be called crazy. Just because we are, doesn't mean that you can call us crazy!"

Rory Sweeney and little boys

I have a video of Times Leader reporter Rory Sweeney and what he did to Jerri Lipski when the interview took place. He makes these kids sound like the All-American little boys who just need a chance when I will personally bet him a year's salary that one if not both end up in jail before they are 21. His putrid salary or mine!

Simple idiocy, not deep rooted conspiracy!

I haven't written anything in quite some time. I apologize. I just got out of the hospital after Pooke accidentally shot me during a hunting excursion that we embarked on at the Morristown Green. I appreciate all of the letters of support from friends, family, and concerned citizens. I do want to stress that this was an accident, and not some deep, greater conspiracy. I read some of the conspiracy theories on some rival blog sites, and I want to put some rumors to rest.

First, the reason that Pooke did not immediately call The President and alert him that she shot me was, well she had to get me to a hospital and inform my other family members what happened. Oh yeah, also, she doesn't have the President's direct phone number. However, phone records will show that she did try to call the White House 68 times on the morning of February 14th. Either she was going to report the incident to GW or she wanted to ensure that he received her Valentine's Day card and she was hoping hers was the funniest one he received this year.

Second, the rumor is true that doctors could not remove all of the bird shot from my body. A piece is still lodged in my right testicle, but doctors felt that it wasn't worth removing the metal fragment, or the testicle. They tell me that the testicle will still function normally. The only side effect is that we may have to name a future child "Iron Man." This is OK with me, as I am a big fan of Black Sabbath. It is a good thing that the testicle can still function, because as most of you who know me may remember, I had to remove my left one when a night of heavy drinking in 1982 led to a piercing gone wrong incident!

Lastly, the reason that Pooke did not face the media herself, but instead had her press secretary (Bob Jr.) give status reports was that she was herself suffering from a bout with avian Bird Flu. However, Pooke has completely recovered and is back on the road to health. Who knew that tar and nicotine had antibodies within them that counter-acted the HN-51 outbreak? Coincidentally, CNN is reporting that George W Bush is completely responsible for Avian Bird Flu and have received documents from new consultant Dan Rather proving that HN-51 was developed at the President's ranch in Texas. Several mothers of deceased victims of the deadly disease have gathered in protest outside of the ranch. Joan Baez (yes, she's still alive) is going to be giving a benefit concert and will be handing out veggie and soy corn dogs outside of the ranch also. Oliver Stone will be filming the event, as he is on a dare from Tom Cruise to make a movie worse than Alexander!

I would like to thank the wonderful surgical staff and beautiful and talented Michelle Malkin for appearing on Fox News and really explaining how the idiotic media blew this all out of proportion. It dumbfounds me that people actually tried to find a deeper conspiracy in an accident that occurred in an enjoyable trip while hunting homeless people.

So, again, I am back and in good health. Thank you.