Blogging CAN lead to bigger things......

Here is your proof. I love the recent wave of watchdogging the media that is happening. After the 2000 Election, there should have been major overhauls of many of the media within this nation. Hell, even the new POPE slammed the American media (can I use "hell," and "The Pope," in the same sentence?).

Oh, gotta cut this one short. Time to go watch Bugs Bunny episode's that I have grown up on and count how many items have been cut out so the next generation of children does not grow up as sick and evil as the previous 5 that watched these same cartoons! Then, I'll watch the Little Rascals edited versions that were cleverly edited so we can completely erase racism. THAT worked!

Blogroll

Honestly, the folks on the right are people I have actually read. Some more often then others, but all read. There's a few new entries: The Velvet Dumpster as well as Curmudgeonisms, whom I believe may have been me had I been graced with a dick, a shotgun, and Jack Daniels in my Snoopy Thermos.

My Toilet has a Unilever

Dear Unilever Company:

Please find enclosed my grocery receipt dated 4/3/05, with your product, I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter Light, circled. Please refund my $2.79 as I can certainly believe it’s not butter. In fact, after ingesting your product I believe it’s not even food, rather some concoction whipped up in a lab by some sadistic devil worshipping lunatic. Please fire this person immediately.

I am sorry I was unable to return the product in it’s original packaging as the Nuclear Regulatory Commission has removed the product from my house and sealed in under 300 tons of concrete in the Yucca Mountains with the rest of the nation’s nuclear waste.

In addition, please also compensate me $1.99 for the SOS Pads also circled, as I used the entire box to scrub my tastebuds off my tounge. In addition I would like the $1.29 for the Clorox, also circled, as I used this as mouthwash after consuming your product.

Lastly, I wasn’t sure where to send this, so I checked out your website. I see you think that Dirt is Good. I’m sure anyone who has tasted I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter Light would agree that dirt tastes much better.

Thank you,

Pooke

How Could Anyone Do This To An Innocent English Muffin

I Can't Believe Anyone Actually Eats This Shit. I'm just happy I wasn't whipped and severely beaten by a bunch of guys in tall hats in a caravan of horse-driven carraiges after destroying my breakfast in this manner. I taste a nasty letter coming up along with the bile in the back of my throat.

Got It!

For those of you who are unfamiliar, this is a blog and blogs read from bottom up. So if you are reading this before the Easter post you just ain't gonna get it, so go down a few posts, then come back up. And no, I'm not referring to anything bulemic or sexual. READING, folks.

Okay, so Christ, Rabbit, Eggs. Sounds like a bad Kevin Bacon movie, but I've got the connection.

See, just before Jesus was crucified, he had dinner with a couple of his buds (and the one backstabbing asshole that usually comes in tangent with real buds~ I think we are all too familiar with the type). Anyhoo, at this dinner he blessed the bread and wine, and being all that the wine was holy, it turned the jelly glass it was in holy, too, and this became the Holyjellyglass. Lestbeknown to us, said Holyjellyglass was guarded by, that's right. the Rabbit, as we all know from the historically accurate Monty Python movie. Yet, Rabbits don't lay eggs, which left this philosopher of great intellect with a grave question, heretofore be answered by the following:

The wine was Manischewitz, or paint thinner, and being just a little buzzed, St. Peter accidently dropped his HolyHardBoiledEgg into the HolyJellyGlass, thereby coloring it a Deep Purple (also resulting in the name of a Rock Band). Later we would continue this tradition with actual Vinegar and Paas Easter Egg coloring tablets.

So there you have it.

You guys are tards

Seriously~ Skeetz & I have figured out a minimal amount of code to keep up this blog and you people can't even leave a comment! Okay, here's what to do: Click Comments scroll to the bottom and leave a fake email so-as-not-to-be-spammed, like iman@idiot.com with your real name in the name field, so we know which one you are, and click submit or send or whatever it says. I'd check but I don't feel like it because I'm a bit curmudgeonny. You don't need an URL (Bob).

So. No links today. No need for them. Terri Schiavo was officially starved to death, Dad succeded in his bypass surgery, Jessica won her battle with Oxygen and the Pope died.

Bob got the tickets of the century to the Final Four (you college basketball people really need a LIFE). So he boogied, Jackie is still in Key West and here I am, with a 5 year old and several 17 year olds calling me "Mama L***". I'm sorry, but I ain't no "Mama L***" I'm no spring chicken, but I can still turn the heads of some Puerto Ricans on occasion! They say stuff to me, like "mmmm baby oyacomosta om brade de posta de grande!" I have no Puerto Rican idea of what they are saying, but I guess it's complimentary.

Anyhoo, I called "Shotty" to see if she wanted to "chat some". She called me backed and laughed like hell that I said "anyhoo" and "chat". I will never be cool again.

And I heard Mitch Headburg is dead. He was funny. He once called me a bitch. I was honored. Too bad. I saw him once... we were in a really bad section of the theatre, and he was really wasted so we couldn't understand a friggin word of the show. It was great! Ah well, I'm not thinking he's in line in front of the Pope.

Well, that's as much time as I've wanted to spend on this nonsense and it sucked. I hope it sucked for you, too.

All my love~
Pooke